you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
