It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
