You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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