Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
