the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
