At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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