i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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