i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
