okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
