Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
