i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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