YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
