cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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