You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
