if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
