We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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