The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
