I am puke
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
