my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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