she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
