Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
