I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
