Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
