do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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