I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
