take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
