Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
