He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
