i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Boobs speak an international language.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
