how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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