I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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