I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
