he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
