Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
