Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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