Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
