We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
