SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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