I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
