Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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