so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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