I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
