Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
