i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Someone came in the potted fern
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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