Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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