I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
