Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
