I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
