I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
