he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
