Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
