Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
