I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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