Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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