i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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